It’s hardest on Sundays,
When I’m all alone.
I’m not alone and lonely
I’m alone by choice.
But It’s still hardest on my own
On Sundays.
I like to watch the Logo
Channel. “Logos” as I used to say, and
You always corrected me with a loving
Smile.
Laying on the couch
Drinking my coffee
That was brewed out on the porch,
Early in the morning
Waiting for you to wake.
Watching Sweet and Sappy
Love Stories,
Tears rolling Down my Face.
I know you loved me
I know you loved the Core of who I am.
I know We Understood
What to Love each Other meant;
To Love as The Gay’s we are.
We had an understanding;
A Gift,
A Secret that Assured Us
That We were more than Okay
In the Eyes of the Lord.
And that is Why I cried.
And you Knew this
And Loved me for carrying
This knowledge for us,
In my Bursting with Emotion
Heart.
To watch what We never
Saw,
When we grew up
Was so Endearing.
We Knew that we got Lucky
To share in Our Own story
Of Love.
But as I Prepare
For Another move
And I pare down
Yet, Again ….
I go through all the old Photos,
Before you went Digital.
Late 2003 to Mid 2006
Something Happened
And I don’t know
What it was.
Tina showed back up,
May-May died,
Maybe you never knew
Yourself.
But I am reminded in those pictures
That You became Unhappy.
Maybe it was the hours or
The Panic that came back
When we moved here.
You quit your nursing
You started in the Bakery
And we never really did anything
For a while.
You started something New
MDS which lifted you some.
But I knew when you
Became as if you were Obsessed
With Buying a House,
That We were in Completely
Different Places.
I should have spoken up Then
Should have Stood My Ground
Told you that I wasn’t ready,
That I didn’t think We were.
But, baby, I had Convinced myself
That you couldn’t be Argued with.
I wish I had known What your Daddy
Had told Me
A few years Later
When it was Already Too Late.
I had changed,
Even though you were More Content
There was something Missing between Us
And Yes, if only I had waited it out
Been more Secure
And not Let Weakness Win …
I know I’m where I’m Supposed to Be
In my Life up to this Point.
You are right,
I may have made it another way.
And We will never Know.
But maybe My Review of Jac and Tam
In a Way that was Removed
Of Demands and Questions
And Tears and Fears of Loss of Love
Can Add some Healing Insight
To both our Hearts Tonight.
You were always my Choice
Regardless of anything That stood
In my Way.
I fell Asleep at the Wheel
And Lost my Way.
But You
Will Always Be
Forever in my Heart.
©2009jsblankenship
